Seven months after Blake was born I got my second baby, my iPhone. Back then Blake showed very little interest in it. He'd chew it if I placed it in his hands, contributing the first few scratches to the screen, but I found that the best way to avoid that was to NOT place it in his hands. Well, maybe just a couple of times to take cute photos.
And that was it for a while.
Many months later, when Blake was about 15-16 months he fell in love with the iPhone once he realized he can watch his Baby Einsteins on it. This revelation came at a great time for us. Blake used to be fantastic in restaurants and would be very well behaved, but one day it was as if a switch was flicked and he'd get bored very quickly and would demand to be let out of his seat and zoom around the restaurant and, preferably, outside. The portable Baby Einstein shut him up for a while and we could once again enjoy eating our meal peacefully. That is, of course, until it stopped working. Babies change all the time and by the time you get used to one version it's suddenly gone and replaced with an unpredictable alien from outer space. So now the iPhone distracts him for only a few minutes and then I once again must chase him all over the place. If I'm lucky I'll get to run past our table and stick a forkful of food into my mouth as I pass by. It's a good diet.
I downloaded some baby applications for him which he enjoyed watching me use. One involves clicking on one of several illustrations of animals to have it grow bigger and play the sound that animal makes. Another application shows animated bubbles and shapes you can pop and manipulate and let's the baby interact with a teddy and a butterfly. It took him a while to figure out the touch screen as touching the flat screen provides no tactile feedback like when you press a button and feel it click. But eventually he figured it out and now my iPhone must be hidden at all times or the little tyke will demand it and get it. I just can't say no to him. I'm amazed that he's now going to grow up taking something like a touch screen for granted when the concept is still a little bit sci-fi to me. He discovered the big clicky button and loves pressing it even though it kicks him out of whatever game or movie he's watching and he'll come back to me again and again to request I load it back, only to press the big clicky button again. The vicious circle of "I-do-what-I-want-and-you-also-do-what-I-want".
So we eventually got him his own iPod Touch. Yeah, lucky baby. Everything was great and we were all happy.
Until he murdered his iPod in cold blood.
Until he murdered his iPod in cold blood.
He would sometimes stick it in his mouth and suck on it. I'd tell Blake off and he'll stop. One day I didn't notice it in time and when I picked up the iPod it wouldn't turn on and there was a decent amount of liquid behind the screen. Obviously the little scientist decided to see how much spit he could fit inside the machine. I hoped it might dry and get better, but no such luck. His iPhone became on big expensive pacifier.
Now you'd think that I learned from the incident and keep my iPhone away from Blake no matter what, right? WRONG. I can't say no to that little cuddle-pie. He loves his games and plays them so nicely. I just do my best to supervise him when he plays, but he'd often steal the phone under my nose. and run away with it. Just the other day Miron saved my iPhone from being baptised in the dogs' water bowel.
Yesterday I found my phone on the floor. I picked it up and it wouldn't turn on. With dread gripping my heart I tried connecting it to the charger. Maybe the battery was dead? No response. What am I going to do on the tube ride to work if I can't watch Desperate Housewives? Read?! Then I realized that the phone was on, but the screen was just very very dark. I placed it under direct light and even then could only see a very very dark shadow of the display. That was not good... There was no sound and I couldn't make any phone calls. It also didn't show any signs of charging. My phone was dying and there was nothing I could do to save it. Just cradle it in my warm hands and sing to it softly as it passes on to the big phone charger in the sky where evil toddlers won't hurt him ever again.
Have no fear, there is a happy ending. Like a crappy Disney movie, just when it looked like it was about to go dark forever, the screen brightened up and it came back to life. The sound came back later as well and while it was a bit flickery and clunky, my iPhone is pretty much back to normal now. The big round button now needs to be pressed really hard, but I'll count my blessings.
Now I know better and Blake will never touch my iPhone ever again.
Unless he really wants to, of course.