Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Eddie - The Story So Far

Chapter One: In Which We Meet Eddie

 This is Frasier's Eddie. "Our" Eddie looks similar only dirtier and evil.

We moved to our current house eight years ago, just a month after we bought Kato, our first Great Dane. We got Leo three and a half years later and Dexter another three and a half years later when Kato passed away. Nice neighbourhood with a nice big park next door.

And Eddie.

Eddie is a vicious little dog who lives just around the corner. He's a Jack Russel just like the one from Frasier (hence the immensely original name). Only our neighbour Eddie is the most awful dog you could imagine. He's like a combination between Marley the labrador and Jason Voorhees with none of the charisma. Always off the lead with either his mommy or daddy running after him and screaming his name only to be completely ignored. You'd think after eight years they'd get him on a lead, but no such luck.

Most incidents with Eddie involved me commanding Kato to stay and pull at his lead until one of Eddie's useless owners will manage to get a hold of him and drag him away. Once Eddie came out of nowhere and placed his paws on Kato's shoulders and growled at him straight in the face. This tiny little demon and this massive, magnificent gentle giant who just stared at his attacker in confusion not quite sure what species he belonged to. I was very impressed with Kato. I wouldn't really blamed him if he bit Eddie's head off and spit it. I mean, seriously, the dog was practically sticking his head into Kato's mouth. I couldn't swat him away as I feared Kato will take that as a signal to attack. Eventually the useless middle aged woman (let's call her uselessa for ease of storytelling) arrived and took Eddie away without even an apology.

And so it went on for years. Leo joined our family, who was an excitable puppy for the next few years. Now I had to restrain two dogs while Uslessa's little bastard kept running around out of control. Not once have I ever seen him on a lead. Not once.

Then one day he got into my dogs' face again when his useless male owner was running after him, calling his name in futility (let's call him Uselesson). It was then that Leo grabbed Eddie's back with his mouth and flung him away. I watched in horror as Eddie flew through the air. I hanged around to make sure he was more or less OK. As I was leaving my horror turned into pride. Leo had every right to do what he did and did so with restraint and grace. Just fling the little nuisance out of the way as if he was a buzzing fly. I couldn't really tell him off for that.

That bought us a few quiet months. Maybe years, I can't quite remember. But eventually Eddie returned to his evil ways. Kato passed away and Dexter joined our family while Eddie was suddenly joined by a small female companion who was quiet and sweet, but was obviously into bad boys.

I can control my dogs on the lead. They are big and excited, but I can restrain them with a combination of strength and verbal commands. Every morning they go on the lead and I'm on the lookout for other dogs, hoping to notice them first and avoid contact. Dexter is still really a puppy and he is desperate to play with anything with four legs, so it's best to avoid any contact near a road. But really, I'm always on the lookout for Eddie. Always. I always assume the little shit will come running from around the corner and always stress about a possible encounter even when one doesn't happen.

Today it did.

Chapter Two: In Which Three Dogs, Two Bitches and One Human Meet

Evil vicious dogs. Look into those murderous eyes!

As I was heading back I was walking in a path that went between a row of back gardens and the park. Between me and the park was a large metal fence. I noticed Eddie the same time he noticed my dogs. They stopped and stood their ground in anticipation. Eddie broke into a run from fairly far away away, barking and growling. After him ran Uselessa who screamed his name repeatedly only to be completely ignored. You'd think she would've figured out by now that her vocal commands had the same chance of stopping him as sticking a finger up her own butt. Behind her ran the little bitch (unlike Uselessa, she was literally a bitch). 

"If you don't get hold of your dog this is not going to end well!" I shouted angrily and then kept telling Leo and Dexter to stay as calmly as I could. They were both getting very excited by the little dogs running their way. More shouting from Uselessa and before you know it Eddie reached my dogs with only the fence separating us, barking and growling. At that point they went crazy and tore the leads out of my hands, which was a preferable alternative to having my arms torn off or being dragged along. I can control my dogs quite well, but when an off the lead dog attacks them barking and growling and gets an inch away from their face, I guess that's the limit of my control.

I ran after them around the fence into the park, shouting: "See what happens?!?". Uselessa stood around screaming "Oh my God" and being typically useless. My dogs were running in circles, scaring the little pooches. Usually Eddie bullies dogs on the lead who are held back by their owners, feeling strong and superios as if the only thing keeping those dogs away was his terrifying yelps. Well, he stopped barking very quickly when he was the one being chased. I knew better than to get between fighting dogs. Most dogs aren't really attacking, it's more of a ritual dance when they size each other up. Get in the middle and you are very likely to get bitten and make things worse (I'm not that smart, I saw it on some dog training tv show). Eventually my dogs snapped out of it and came back to me. I was so angry.

As I was walking away Uselessa said something. I assumed it must have been an apology for eight years of going around without a lead (I doubt she even owned one) and being unable to control her dog. I was wrong.

"If my dogs are hurt your dogs will need to be put down!" She said angrily.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Excuse me? Your dog came running off the lead towards my dogs and antagonized them an inch from their face."

"She didn't!" She shouted. It's true her little bitch didn't, but what did it matter

"It doesn't matter! It's your dog who started it, you stupid woman." I said.

"I'm calling the police!" She snapped.

"Please do!" I bellowed. "I wonder who's dogs were on the lead and who's dogs were running wild and attacking! You stupid woman!"

"It doesn't matter!" She shouted that or something else, I can't quite remember as my hearing was impaired by the sound of boiling blood inside me.

"If your dog doesn't obey you, put him on the lead!" I shouted and left. It was seven thirty and I still had to feed the dogs, wake up Blake, change him and give him his breakfast before leaving to college to teach. I told Miron about the incident to vent a little and left home to work. I was still annoyed, but managed to forget about it.

Until the evening, that is.

Chapter Three: In Which Unwelcome Guests Drop By

Blake at four months, being terrorised by Kato.

At around eight thirty after Miron made us dinner and after I fed the dogs I sat down in front of the X-Box to play some Fable 2 (great game) and relax after a long and busy day that started with a dog fight, continued with a long day at college and some chores at home and was still not over. Then the doorbell rang.

"Are you expecting someone?" I called upstairs to Miron as I walked to the dog. I opened the door.

Leo, Dexter and Blake were by the door eager to see who's on the other side. For a second I thought it was some Jehovah witnesses. It was the first time in my entire life that I was disappointed that wasn't the case. It was Uselessa and a young woman I'll assume was her daughter and will therefore be referred to as Uselessa Jr. My initial thought was "oh no, you didn't just come to my house to continue this", but I wanted to hear what they had to say before I said anything.

Uselessa Jr was well spoken and confident (compared to Sr, anyway) and went straight to the point, talking quickly and clearly.

"We're here about the attack on our dogs. We've been to the vet and the dog was in surgery for seven hours and it was touch and go. In fact, if she wasn't over weight she probably would've died."

Yes, that's what she said. I'm not making that up. Fatten up your dogs, you may save their lives!

"For a start at the very least we think you should pay for the vet expenses."

"Miron!" I tilted my head back and shouted. "Would you come down please? It's about the dog incident I told you about."

Two of them obviously required two of us. I also needed to take the dogs and Blake away from the door as they kept trying to see what was going on.

I overheard the conversation as I led the dogs to the garden and picked up Blake.

"Yes?" Miron said politely.

"We've just been to the police to report your dogs. They attacked and hurt out dogs and we have photos and everything."

"Well, we plan to go to the police and report your dogs who are off the lead and out of control" Miron replied.

"You wouldn't have a leg to stand on." Uslessa Jr Uttered, ready to carry on when Miron closed the door in her face.

"Goodbye" He squeezed in the last word.

Needless to say we were pissed off. How dare they come to our house and claim our dogs attacked her dogs? I saw the incident. If my dogs wanted her dogs dead they could've killed them with one bite. Any injuries, if such occurred, were probably accidental as they were jumping around.

Pay the vet bills? And what happens when her dog, merrily off the lead, gets in my dogs' face again growling and barking? Should I pay the burial costs when he finally manages to commit suicide?

This is where the saga ends for today. I'm not sure if they'll follow it up as they don't really have a case, but we're certainly going to head to the police on Thursday to report a counter complaint about Eddie being an off the lead and out of control menace. I would love for them to come visit us at home and see how "vicious" and "aggressive" my two pooches are and how they are such dangerous beasts that a two year old toddler, since he was four months, can pull at their ears and steal food from their bowls when they eat. The Hounds of the Freakin' Baskerville.

I'm sorry the little doggie got hurt, but I can't say I feel guilt. At the very least I hope Uselessa and Uselesson will be too scared to let their devil spawn run around off the lead. I somehow doubt it.

To Be Continued?...


Part 2


.jon said...

She sounds like a total lunatic. And being of a certain age - "middle-aged" - her hormones are probably out of whack so be afraid, be very afraid, this is one bitch you probably won't be able to deal with in a rational manner.

I'd get out the videocam and film the nasty little dog running around unleashed so you have some evidence, just in case she seeks damages against you.

Intersting that she brought the daughter with her to confront you rather than the husband.

Mark said...

Wow! That was exciting! My heart was even racing just reading about it. Jon is dead-on. I would have had that videocam out years ago recording all of this. I feel such guilt when my youngest dog escapes from the house and uses my neighbor's perfect lawn as a toilet. How dare this woman go years purposely leaving her dog off a leash. And your poor puppies, they are so cute. The bigger the dog is, the more I like them. I'm not a fan of any dog that could possibly jump up on my dining table. The thought freaks me out. Yes, please, I'm dying to know how this all plays out. I can't wait! Your Friend, m.