Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Road to Doggie Juvie : Chapter 2

Another one for the ladies. I'm pretty, accept it and move on.

Hey peoples! It's your homie Dexterror the Great (Dane). I like this blog thing, much better than licking my balls while I wait for my next walk or meal. Well, it's not really better than licking my balls, but a close second.

Where was I yesterday when I was so rudely interrupted? Oh yeah, "Hellz to the no, bitch goes down."

I gave the order and both me and Leo rushed that evil-but-pretending-he's-not poodle, dragging Papa behind us. He was like "No! Stop!", but whatever, talk to the paw coz the face ain't listening. He can let go of the leads if he wants, the schmuck, but there's no stopping the D-Train (the D is for Dexter, that's my name). Leo stopped once he realized Papa was being dragged on the pavement like a Scandinavian hooker on a bank holiday. It was really all up to me now. People from both the restaurant and the pub were gathering around looking from every balcony and corner. They wanted a show and I was going to give them one.

I'm strong, but even I have my limits and I stumbled and me and Papa were rolling together for a bit before we came to a stop. Not only was he not helping, the doofus was getting in the way! But there was no time to die of embarassment. This dawg had business to take care of. The evil poodle was getting away!

I got up before Papa and ran away. On the plus side I managed to wriggle out of my collar during our Katamari Damacy impersonation (a dog making a videogame reference, respect!). Papa got up and started chasing us. I thought he finally got his act together and was helping me. He was certainty cheering me on as he kept shouting my name again and again. I nearly got the poodle but he went hiding under a car. I stuck my head under it, but it was too tight to crawl under it.

The poodle came out the other way and ran down the beach. I ran after him and Papa was running after me. It was the most amazing moment in my entire life ever (other than the one time we got pork pate for dinner), until I realized Papa was completely and utterly insane.

He was chasing me, I realized! So I was like "what the fuh?" and I found myself running away from him rather than chase the evil poodle who can now plot away his revenge. Stupid humans! Eventually Papa caught me and punished me. He was obviously jealous of my bravery. The humans were talking a bit and then we all walked away. Now if that poodle will come one night to kill us all in our sleep don't blame me. Partly coz I tried to warn you and partly coz I'll be dead. Thanks Papa!!!

And then there was the thing with the hedgehog the other day.

But I gotta go jump around in circles in the living room and bunch up the big carpet into a big ball. It's that time of day.


Chapter 3

1 comment:

Mark said...

You know what, it all makes sense now coming from viewpoint of Dexter. Perhaps if I channeled my dogs thoughts every now and then, I wouldn't always be pissed at them.
Have you raised Dexter from a baby or did he come to you through Foster Care? I'm just wondering because of his "Street/Thug" talk. It's very, um, urban.
Your Friend, m.
Scandinavian Hooker? Do you know this first hand?