Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Confession Time

The GLBT blogging community is in hysterics with the breaking news that two influential lesbian bloggers, including one who was supposedly writing from Damascus, turned up to be straight guys. Reading about this really shook me and made me realize that every lie is bound to blow up in your face eventually, so it's time to tell the truth.

There is no Mickey Blumental. My name is Marwa Al Khalifa and I'm a 52 years old nurse living in Bahrain with my husband Mohammed. I had seven children, but they all left to form their own families except for Khalid who's in jail for illegally downloading Norbit.

Here is the real me! Hi!
My youngest, Fatima, got married to Bandar Nasir Bin Fahid, a Saudi prince. He is a really nice guy. Fatima and his son go to the same pre-school, that's how they met. He was very nice to our family, gave us a lot of money and a camel we called Darwin.

I found myself with a lot of time on my hands so I took a creative writing course at our local adult centre. I decided to let my inner wild girl loose and wrote stories about a woman who was into wearing pants and burping in public. My teacher, Zameer El Said, encouraged me to create a fake blog so I could have an excuse to write regularly and work on my English. I got really excited and decided to go completely crazy and write about a gay man! Not only just a gay man, but get this: a gay man who is married to another gay man and they have a kid together. And also two big dogs, those filthy vile creatures, living inside their house! And the gay guys are originally from Israel! What a deliciously immoral fictional playground I have created for myself to give freedom to my most demented thoughts and desires.

Me on our trip to Las Vegas. Loved it!
Zameer was utterly mortified when I showed him the new blog. He threatened to talk to my husband or even the police about my sacrilegious blog, but I knew he liked me a lot, so I made a deal with him. At the beginning of every lesson I roll up one of my sleeves and let him look at my naked elbow for a whole minute. So we're OK now.

I love swimming! Do you?
Finding all the photos and videos to post here was easy. I was stealing them from some guy's Facebook page since he left it unprotected and public. Won't it be just hilarious if he stumbled upon this blog accidentally?

Anyway, I was having so much fun writing this blog all these years and it never occurred to me that my lies might hurt people. At least my lies won't hurt people if they didn't knew I was lying, so what's the point?

So here I am letting you know so I could hurt you with my lies. Serves you right, silly people who think it's OK for gays to have children! I hope this blog gave you fake hope only to have it crushed!!! Ha ha ha ha. Silly silly people.

But if there's any lesson in this for me, it's this: Next time I should have a fake Lesbian blog because obviously they get much more traffic.

Actually I think I'm going to set up one right now.

Big love,

Marwa

2 comments:

Mark said...

I knew it! Fred was like, "No, that has to be a gay man writing." And I'm all like, "Fred, c'mon! I pretty much slept with every gay Jewish man out there and a few Straight ones. Don't you think I can tell the writing of one?" And he's like "yeah, I guess you're right."
Marwa, you will pay for this insult to the Gay Communinity you FAT COW. And just so you know, I recognize that burka. You are in deep shit.
Love, your Friend, m.
p.s. Yeah, what is up with Lesbians getting more blog traffic?

Mickey said...

How dare you! Infidel! Bring it on, bitch. On top of creative writing I also took some karate evening classes. Bring it on.

-Marwa