Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Fake Non-Existing Puppies For Sale

OK, this is going to be a little different - and longer than usual.

My friend at work was going to get new dogs from Belgium for free: A couple of three months old Teacup Yorkies. All she had to do was pay for the shipment from Belgium to Winnipeg. Sounds too good to be true? It sure was. The owner already "chose" my friend as the new owner and was waiting to take it further. I decided to e-mail that person too in order to expose the scam without expecting it to be such a fun exchange of e-mails over several days. "Sharon Wallace" might not be a real person, but I think that for those few precious days we really did have something special going.

Be warned, there is some racy language near the end. I'm just sayin'.

My  first e-mail to Sharon (wallacesharon87@yahoo.com):
Hi!

I just saw your ad and absolutely loved the puppies! I hope I'm not too late in offering them a home?.. It will be an amazing Christmas present to my pregnant wife as we're finally starting our new life in our dream home and the only last missing part of the puzzle is a puppy... Or two! ;-)

The only problem is we live in New York City and I'm not sure where you are based on your ad and website.

Please let me know asap! As you know Christmas is just around the corner and I'm determined to get the new dogs by then (I know, bad planning waiting for the last minute lol). Teacup Yorkies are my favorite as I grew up with some.

Many thanks and God bless,

Mickey
Don't know why, I thought the "God Bless" was a nice touch. Also, it didn't hurt to imply that I was in a hurry.
Hello

It is a great pleasure for me to know that you are interested in adopting our puppies. They are still available and ready to meet a loving and caring home where they would be spoil and treated just like a Child. It's very important that you note the following about the puppies.They currently weigh 2.6lbs and are estimated to weigh 3.6lbs when fully grown.If you will need just one then am still ok with your decision.

Gender: Male and Female
Pets Name: Destiny and Miracle
Age: 13 week(s), 4day(s)
Potential: Perfect Pets
Temperament & Personality: Perfect temperament and great with kids and
other pets.
They are House and Potty Training.

We are getting rid of Destiny,Miracle due to the fact we could no longer give them all the care they deserves from us.My HUSBAND and i worked with N.G.O(http://www.aidshealth.org/) and we just recently relocated from the USA and was posted to work in Brussels capital Of Belgium for some time before returning back.So we are presently located in BELGIUM and thats where these babies will be coming from

We have no kids and Destiny,Miracle are like the only children to us.We took them along with us for companionship but is really hard for us to give little Destiny and Miracle all the attention they need from us. So we are after a caring home only where Destiny,Miracle could be spoiled rotten.If you could understand our reasons for getting rid of the dogs, then we would consider you to adopt them.We are asking just $120 for Destiny or Miracle and $200 for both of them as we inquired from the airport yesterday (which is for their adoption fees) because we are not after money since we just need a caring family for them.We are very busy people and have less time to confirm banking transactions. All we need is just for you to pay for the puppies shipping directly to the shipping company responsible for the shipment here .These puppies currently weigh 2.1lbs and are estimated to be 3.6lbs when fully grown


What's Included:
# AKC Registration
# Current vaccinations
# Veterinarian examination
# 1 Year Health guarantee
# Certificate of health
# Travel Crate.

Getting a good home for the puppies are the most essential thing we have ever wanted for them. So we have some few questions for you which we hope you get back to us with the answers sincerely. We just want to make sure they are getting into the right home. Hope you don't mind?
Where abouts are you located?
Why do you need Destiny and miracle?
How soon do you need Them?
Do you have any experience in raising pets in general?
Do you prese ntly have kids and other pets?
Who will look after the puppy when you are not around?
Name and contact number? Would be appreciated.
Hope you don't mind getting back to me with the answers as soon as possible.You may get back for more photos and feel free to ask any questions regarding the adoption or Call us at 0032492135572 see pictures of puppies. below





Oh my goodness! Look at those amazing puppies. This was obviously a scam. Not a word that they are in the process of selling the puppies to my friend. I had to confirm for sure, so I sent another reply.
Hi,

So glad to hear the puppies haven't been given away yet! I spent the last few hours really getting worried about it.
We just moved to a nice house with a garden in Forrest Hills, it's a nice neighborhood in New York. Like I said, I grew up with Teacup Yorkies and I know the breed very well which is why I am confident we will take good care of them and why we want that breed. I want your doggies because they look so cute. LOL. We are expecting a baby, but we know the breed is very good with children, so we don't mind. We want our kid to grow up with a dog or two as it makes kids better people. I work freelance from home (I'm a web designer) so I plan to be home a lot with my family.
I'm travelling for the next three days and my phone doesn't do international calls, so I'm sort of stuck with the Internet. Maybe I could Skype one evening from my hotel. Actually, that would be awesome! Can I Skype to see the puppies? My heart will melt on the spot. Awww, wittle puppies!!! LOL
OK, now for my questions:
Couldn't the puppies find a home in Belgium? I know I shouldn't be asking this since I want them LOL, but I'm curious. I'm sure flying over won't be a big deal since they are young and small so I'm sure they won't even know they're in a plane.
Don't they need to see a vet before the fly over? How much would that cost? And how will that work in terms of customs when I get them over here in the States? Do I need to pay import fees? I don't mind paying, I just need to crunch the numbers in advance so there are no surprises.
Thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly. This is going to be the best Christmas ever. LOL.
I essentially offered to pay more money, which went by unnoticed.
Hi
I am comfortable to know you will offer the best and warm home for destiny(male) and miracle(female). I belief I have found someone. I really hate to see destiny and miracle go at this point in time but I have no choice.I also appreciate your Kinder promise of heart and soul just to take care of destiny and miracle, that shows how lovely you can be. Destiny and miracle are just so friendly with kids, adults and other house hold pets.
They adore playing with toys and hardly cry except they are left alone for a long duration but their toys will keep them company, they like taking rides playing around the dogs park and loves going for shopping ,they are just a great companion i really feel their presence given that they will be leaving me .We are presently located in Brussels Belgium and thats where puppies will be ship from and all you will have to pay is just $200 for them to be ship to your home as am not looking just for a loving homes for these cuties.
I just really hate to see them go but i have no choice at this point in time. Given that you are our choice you have to let us know when you want destiny and miracle flown over to you.? i was wondering if we can get that done as soon as possible , i will be off work today and tomorrow and seeing that as an opportunity to get all the necessary arrangements for the puppies to get over to you.

let me give you this secret that i use for my pets,You can boost your pet's health profoundly by making one simple decision.. All you have to do is change their diet from commercial-brand fare to something you may never have imagined giving them: real food.The fresh food you buy at the market for your self is the food you should give your pet, too..."i feed my puppies with Fresh food. Fresh chicken and turkey and beef.Fresh raw vegetables and fruits.. Fresh brown rice and oatmeal.. Fresh yogurt,eggs, and cottage cheese.This puppies will be ship from Brussels Belgium as i told you in my previous emails
Also i want you to be rest assured that destiny,miracle are very healthy and will come along with all their health papers and besides several test will be carried on them before they can be shipped so you don't have to entertain any fears about their health. so for the shipping i need your shipping the following information from you so that i can proceed with the shipping formalities for you to get them asap.i was also told that it will take just a maxmimum of 5hours 10minutes for you to pick them up at your airport of destination(that is the closest airport to you) when they arrive or in your home if you wish cos they shipping company that am willing to ship destiny and miracle through also does door to door service delivery to its customers which is really good.Furthermore,i also want to let you know that all i ever wanted for these puppies is just a loving home for them .You can get to us on phone at 0032492135572

I will need the following information for their registration in the shipping company before they can be ship to you:

Full names
Address
Phone number
Zip Code
Nearest airport to your location.

I am online now so if you can log on to YAHOO MESSENGER we can talk more from there. waiting for you.please let me know asap
Thanks and have a nice day
This is it. Exactly the same cut and paste e-mail my friend received. There was no longer any doubt that this was a scam (there was not much doubt before). I did get this additional e-mail immediately after the first one, the first text written especially for me rather than just cut and pasted.
hey,sorry i forgot to add that these puppies have already been vet checked and they will be coming with all their documents and besides alot of tests will have to be conducted until they are ship to you.I inquired from the shipping compan here and they said thats all you will have to pay until you get them ship to you.They will also be coming with a favorite food menu so that you can follow up their feeding and some recent toys and accessories.please let me know what to do asap or if you have further questions

thanks

N.B:We are just so excited and cant believe God is doing this for my family.please we cant wait to read from u

thanks
I should have left it at that, but then decided to have a bit more fun and at the very least waste that thief's time and set them up for disappointment like they did to my friend.
Hi,

Thanks for the tips. Real food, who would have thought? So simple and so genius! LOL.

What about the import fee to the USA? You have any idea? And the vet costs to authorize them to travel abroad? Like I said, I don't mind paying more for the right dogs, but I need to know those things in advance and see if the shipping company can help with that information as they probably encounter that a lot. Duh, they ship pets internationally, of course they should know, why am I even telling you this? LOLOL

I am so excited. My wife is not going to believe this!!! Best Christmas EVER EVER EVER. LOL. 
Thank you for choosing me. You won't regret it.
I started slipping more into my demented persona, but still not quite pushing it yet. I wanted to come across as someone who is really willing to pay. Being a bit mad and ditzy might make me sound more like an easy prey.
hello. i told you that all the papers have been put in place.i just dropped off phone with the shipping company and they said what i will have to do when i come for the registration is just to do the transfer of ownership that is change it from my names to your names and and that the other documents are okay for their delivery until they are delivered to you.for more details you can call them at 0032483259133.i am so excited and cant wait to get everything done,they also asked me to bring the babies for check up at the pets baggage department at the shipping company.please let me know what to do asap
thanks
A phone number! I don't want to phone anyone. It's time for me to have a blonde moment.
Can I have the contact details of the shipping company? I can take it from here and pay them after I asked them a few questions.

I'm so excited I'm about to feint. LOL.

BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER.
It worked!
but i thought i sent u their contact numbers and their email is brussels_airlinespetsdelivery1@consultant.com.anyway,take ur time and inquire everything and if everything s okay with u then u can contact me to make the arrangements for their registration.please let me know what to do asap.thanks
Excellente moi bien! Wait, I can take my time, but need to get back to her asap?
Gosh! I feel so stupid. LOL. Got so excited I didn't even notice. I'll write to them as soon as possible. Lets get it going!!!!!!!!! YAY PUPPIES!

Thanks.
So I write to the "shipping company" but decide to tell a slightly different story.
Hi,

I got your contact information from Sharon Wallace. She is sending me her two dogs for free and I only need to pay the shipping cost. I know, what a great deal, right? I sort of feel sorry for taking advantage of her like that, I would easily have paid her SOMETHING for the dogs, but you know what they say about looking a gift horse in the mouth, right? LOL. (you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, that's the saying - at least here in America. Maybe in Belgium you have something similar with another animal, like a racoon or something).

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I'm just so excited! This is a surprise Christmas gift for my girlfriend. I thought if I bought her dogs maybe she won't nag me about getting married and having kids so soon, lolololol.

Anyway, LET'S DO THIS! I want the puppies to get here as soon as possible. Please let me know your preferred payment methods. I can send a money order or something.

Puppies, puppies, puppies. Sorry, I'm so excited. LOL
I am such a liar! I told Sharon I was expecting a baby and I'm obviously not. Though I do hint heavily that I am willing to pay more. It wasn't too long before Sharon got back to me. I trusted her now because she didn't ask to be paid directly so it's obviously not a scam.
please can you let me know if u have contacted the shipping company already and if so what did they say,can you let me know so that i schedule a program to get them registered at the shipping company if you are still interested in them and when you thing i can get the registration done.thanks and enjoy ur weekend
God bless ya
sha
So close I could almost taste the puppies!
Hi Sharon! Or is it Sha? I love it! I never saw Sha being used as short for Sharon. So cute.

Anyway!!! Here is the copy of what the shipping company sent me. Their English isn't very good, but who cares, right? They sound like nice people.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
THANKS FOR THE INQUIRIES AND WE PROMISE YOU WE ARE THE BEST IN HANDLING PETS TRAVELLING ESPECIALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT FEATURE WHICH IS THE DOOR TO DOOR SERVICE DELIVERY SERVICE THAT WE OFFER TO OUR CLIENTS FREE OF CHARGE.PLEASE INSTRUCTS YOUR SHIPPER TO BRING THE PUPPIES FOR CHECK UP AT THE PETS BAGGAGE DEPARTMENT HERE IN OUR SHIPPING COMPANY.ALOT OF TESTS WILL HAVE TO BE CONDUCTED ON THEM BEFORE THEY WILL BE SHIP TO YOU
WHEN THEY ARE CONFIRMED FOR SHIPPING THEN WE WILL THEN GET BACK TO YOU TO DIRECT YOU ON HOW YOU WILL BE GETTING THE PAYMENTS FOR THEIR SHIPPING FEES DONE SO THAT WE CAN THEN SHIP THEM TO YOU.SO WE ARE WONDERING IF MONDAY IS OKAY FO YOU TO GET THE SHIPPING DONE,SO THAT WE CAN TAKE ENOUGH TIME TO PROCESS THEIR DOCUMENTS FOR THE SHIPPING.WITH OUR SHIPPING COMPANY,YOU HAVE GOT A CHOICE FOR WE ARE FAST,RELIABLE AND EFFICIENT.HOPE IN MEETING YOU AND YOUR PUPPIES
THANKS FOR COMING
MANAGEMENT

I'm not very happy about the "alot of tests" part. Please confirm that they mean these are just regular tests required to make sure the dogs are healthy and not some kind of weird animal testing experiments. I'm very much against that. Well, as long as they don't kill them by mistake. LOL. That's terrible. I shouldn't be joking about that.

OK, so let's do it! Lets send these puppies over here before they become old dogs. LOLCOPTER.

Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful weekend and got to cuddle with the puppies one last time before they're mine mine mine. LOL. Omnomnomnom. I'm going to eat them up.

Let's do it!
 So close, "Sha" could almost taste the money.
Omg i just so happy right now,i cant wait to hear that the babies are in their new homes and with their new parents.You know their first language here in belgium is dutch and the secnd language is french and not even english.I will have to get the babies registered at the shipping company first thing in the morning tomorrow.Oh yeah the babies are very healthy and and all their health records are also available.its just that for all pets transportation they are supposed to pass through a minor tests to make sure everything is ok and nothing is going to happen to your babies.I will need the following information like i asked in my previous emails for the registration

Full names
Address
Phone number
Zip Code
Nearest airport to your location.
with all these i will be able to get the babies registered so that you get them soonest tomorrow.please reply to these emails asap tomorrow.Hope to read from you soonest
best regards,remain blessed and happy weekend
sha
Mmm... An address. I already said I'm in New York, so I simply had to google a McDonald's resaurant in Queens. Easy. Thank you Google.
Mickey Blumental
9801 Metropolitan Ave
Queens, NY 11375
(718) 520-9775
LaGuardia Airport

Here are the details. LET'S DOOOOOO IIIIIIT! I am so excited I just wet myself. Got to get new underwear. LOLAPALOOZAROFLCOPTER.

I can't believe this is happening. BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!!!!!!! Did I say that already? LOL?!?

I'm going to go on a diet now so when I get the puppies I'll have plenty of room to eat them nomnomnomnomnomnom. So good!!! LOL.

I'm going to get them little outfits. A ballerina for the girl and a sailor suit for the boy. LOL. So funny and cute. Too bad Halloween won't be back for a while.

I hope you had an excellent weekend with the doggies and gave them lots of yummy food and cuddles - just don't cuddle them too hard and squash them. LOL.
One step closer.
hello,so glad to read from you and thanks for trhe information.I cant believe the babies will be on their way soon or we are now counting hours for them to take off.I will be getting the registration done first thing tomorrow in the morning.I will update u as soon as everything is done and how the registration went.thanks for everything and have a blessed evening until we talk again in the morning
sha
Our scammer takes it nice and slow, not wanting to look too eager. Nice.
Thanks for keeping me up to date! I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep tonight. LOL. Maybe I'll just hold my breath until I'll just faint. LOLOLZ
By the way, you said the dogs don't speak English in Belgium. I hope I won't have to give them commands in Belgian, because I don't know any! LOL. Maybe I can start with easy commands like "don't sit" and then when they don't sit I can say "good dogs". Not that they would understand it because they don't know English. Maybe I should get them an English teacher. ROFLCOPTER.
Good night and God bless and I am so looking forward to hearing from you again. You are such a wonderful person for sending these little angels our way.
ROFLCOPTER is so much fun to write.
Hello
I cant imagine im on my way to get the registration done.the babies are just so excited,it cos they really know they will be meeting new parents soon today.You dont even need to border about their dresses cos they will be coming with some good dresses that i just bought,with some recent toys and accessories including a favorite food menu for the week to follow up their feeding.I will let you know as soon as im done with everything and how the registration went but not to worry im sure the shipping company will contact you to direct you on how you will be doing the payments for their shipping so that they can then be ship to you.stay blessed then until i get to you.many thanks
sha
The bastard is playing off my emotions and tries to get me more and more excited over the fake puppies so I won't back out, completely not giving a crap that I would get my heart broken.
Menus for dogs! That is so funny and cute. I can imagine them reading the menus before meal time and making their choices. LOL, so funny. I hope they don't mind vegan diet because we are vegans. LOL!!! JUST KIDDING.

Today I woke up and I thought all of this was a dream because it was just too good to be true, but then I read the e-mails again with tears in my eyes. It's true, it's real, it's happening! Thank you God! And thank you Sha(ron) LOL.

Mic(key) LOL
Almost there. "Sharon" is probably already planning what to buy with my hard earned money. Maybe a new hat, a grenade and some M&Ms.
hello
i got the puppies registered at the shipping company and they said they were going to contact you on how you to direct you on how you will be doing the payments for their flight fees.Have they contacted you already?I am so happy cos they were confirmed for shipping and they said the babies will be on their way as soon as you confirm their shipping fees of $200.please can you get back to me to let me know whats going on?thanks
Now it's time for the big swap. Our scammer is going to switch from his "Sharon" identity to his "Shipping Company" identity. Sheer genius. Master of digital disguise.


As expected I got amazing e-mail with lots of big colorful fonts and animated gifs as if it was 1996 and Ross and Rachel just hooked up for the first time (ah, the heartbreak that awaited them).


GOOD DAY SIR/MADAM.

ACCEPT GREETINGS FROM CUSTOMER SERVICE TRANS WORLD PETS TRAVEL

We offer a specific plan for all of your pet travel needs.[blah blah blah - I was contacted by the owner of the website this text was stolen from who requested me to remove it because it was messing up with their Google rankings - LOL, my little blog.]

SAFETY - RELIABILITY
 COMFORT
FAST

Dear Client,
we have information of a Male and a Female Yorkshire Terrier puppies ( Destiny and Miracle) to be ship and delivered to you today from Mrs. Sharon Wallace at the Trans World Pets Travel, to be ship and delivered to you using the below address, we have your entire document for the transportation and delivery.

Check the address and correct for us please

DELIVERY DETAILS

RECEIVERS NAMES

MICKEY BLUMENTAL

ADDRESS

9801 METROPOLITAN AVE MAP

PHONE NUMBER

(718) 520-9775

CITY

QUEENS

State/ Zip / Country

NY 11375

AIRPORT OF ARRIVAL

LA GUARDIA AIRPORT (LGA)

These Puppies were registered here with the number 05J3287
48541M , has come with all necessary papers needed
including the microchip identification with the
microchip number ISO 10586 and ISO 10587 recorded on the Immunization
certificates..

....Information of your Parcel.....
Sender.........................................Mr. Sharon Wallace
Type.......................................................(Puppies)
Breed.........................................................Yorkshire Terrier
Sex............................................................ Male and Female
Age.........................................................13 weeks 4 days
Vaccination record.................................Approved
Vet Record....................................Checked Valid
Medical Inspection......................................Done
Health..........................................................Proper

Your Airway Bill number is 800443251 Click here to track the status of your Puppies.

These puppies came with all necessary papers needed, but as the veterinarian must conduct another test to be sure of their health status, It was done ,all was fine and Medication Papers were accurate ,The test Results shows that they are free from such diseases that may attack other Animals like (Birds, dogs and Cats E.T.C). So they are now ready for shipping and delivery because the shipping fee was paid ................ But it should be noted that this processes cannot be carried out unless the sum of ($200usd) is paid for the flight fee and the change of ownership document for your puppy

ADDRESS AND HOW TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR THE DELIVERY FEE IS AS BELOW , SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED WITH DELIVERY SOONEST TODAY SINCE OUR CASHIER IS NOT ON SIT YOU WILL BE MAKING THE PAYMENT TO OUR HEAD QUARTERS ALSO DESIGN FOR SUCH TRANSACTION

PAYMENT OPTIONS
WE ACCEPT CREDIT CARD OR BANK TRANSFER, BUT THIS OPTION IS USE WHEN YOU ARE MAKING PAYMENTS MORE THAN $2500.00 AND YOU ARE NOT PAYING UP TO THAT AMOUNT
WE DO ACCEPT WIRE TRANSFER VIA WESTERN UNION OR WALMART MONEY GRAM THAT IS FOR ALL PAYMENTS LESS THAN $2500.00, SO SINCE YOU ARE PAYING JUST $200 USD,YOU WILL BE USING THE ADDRESS OF OUR ACCOUNTANT
 


.....................WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION..................................NOTE. Our Company is adopting an end-of-year Financial Accounts Auditing Policy (FAA P), so you will make a payment of $200USD via Western Union using the names, address and zip code of the Company's Accountant in Belgium, Mr: OKPUYE ODION

Names

Okpuke Odion

Address

1026 AVE VICTORIA ROUT

City

LIEGE

State/Zip code/ Country

BRUSSELS, 0032, BELGIUM

Test Question: OK

Answer: OK

This payment should be done as soon as possible so the paper work for the flight will be put together and the puppy should be on the next available shipping session , if the fee is not provided, this puppy will not be dispatched from our detention and will spend more on daily feedings until the manager confirms the payment of the ($200usd)
Kindly email us with the Reference number as the Money Transfer Control number (M.T.C.N) as well as the senders names. As soon as the payment is done...Immediately the payment is confirmed then the Tracking Number as well as the flight receipt and details to ensure a 100% assurance for the transaction shall be forwarded to you before delivery.
Thanks........................


Enjoy Our Service Branch USD
Secretary;
Mr Williams Potter

Trans World Pets Travel

Website: www.transworldpets.com

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited.
Awww, the trip is like a fun vacation. A fun vacation in a small box where you sit in your own filth for twelve hours locked alone in a weird room with lots of funny noises. Check out their fake website if you want. It's awesome. "Mr. Sharon Wallace". Cute typo - "Sharon" has mentioned her husband earlier. Unless they are a fake gay couple! Also, love the disclaimer at the end. Feels so authentic.

Anyway,  I tried to google map the "accountant"'s address and the post code doesn't even exist. Big shock. At least I now know my scammer's name (assuming there's no more than just one involved in this specific operation). There was only one reply I could send back to the "shipping company".
I'm leaving home RIGHT NOW to go send the money. Please confirm receiving the money and send me those yummy puppies!!!!! :-DDD I'm going to have a Ceasar Puppy Salad with extra cuteness. :D

I am going to rape these puppies with love! LOL! They'll be all like "Stop it! Too much love!"

My wife is going to flip-out that I managed to do this as a secret. She always thought I was an idiot who can't tie his shoes alone. She'll see who's the idiot now. Happy, happy, happy!

And then of course I couldn't forget about my dearest friend Sha.
I'm going now to send the money. By going I mean DANCING. I'll be dancing in the street like that stupid guy from the black and white movie who's singing and dancing in the rain - I forgot what it's called.

Anyway, hopefully it won't be too late for payment to be processed today...

LOVE AND HUGGLES AND SUPER CUDDLES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mickey (soon to be your puppies' papa)
I was going to send the money! SCORE! But until Okpuke Odion didn't have the money in his hands, he had to play it safe and lay it extra super thick.
Hello
i cant wait to hear that tey are on their way,it will be my dream come true.I cant believe what the good lord has done for me.As i talk to you now,my eyes are filled with tears of joy and hapiness.please let me know as soon as you get everything done and the the information sent to them and when the babies will be on their way
thanks
And this is where it should have ended as I wasn't going to send the money. Okpuke who already mentally spent my money on prostitutes and pineapple jell-o got back to me a bit worried.
hello
please are the babies on their wayalready?can you be kind enough to let me know asap,i am a lil worried since i have not heard from you for long.please can you be kind to let me know asap.thanks
sha
Well, I wasn't going to send the money, but I also didn't want to part ways yet. It was time to crank up the crazy to 11 and start introducing the plot twists - while still making it worth it for Okpuke to pursue this as I have not ruled out paying just yet.
Hi Sha,

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry. :-((((((( You are going to be so mad (but please don't be).

Just before transferring the money I got cold feet and decided to talk to my wife to make sure she wants dogs. I know, pa-tsssh (it's supposed to be the sound effect of a whip, as if to say I am whipped) I didn't say I was getting them from Belgium, just asked in general to keep the surprise and she told me she doesn't want dogs - she wants a cat. What the fuck, right? I know. Cats are gay. My wife is Russian. Russians are fucking crazy.

Anyway, so now obviously I can't do it. I was thinking about maybe doing it anyway, I am the man in the relationship after all, right? I should just slap her (well, not now because she is pregnant) and tell her what to do rather than ask.

Maybe if I got to Skype with you and show my wife the puppies playing with each other in live video? Maybe that would convince her. Or maybe you can take a picture of the puppies sitting next to a little sign that says "We Love You Sveta!" (that's my wife name.) That might melt her heart.

GOD I AM SO ANGRY WITH HER. I want these puppies so bad, but don't know what to do. You're a girl, what do you think?

So sad. :-(((((

I won't be mad if you give these dogs to someone else.

OH MY GOD! It just occurred to me. Are the puppies at the shipping company?!? You should go take them back home, poor puppies. :-(((((((
I hope we can still be friends (at least on Facebook).
I don't know what to do. I am so depressed I can't even lol.
I'd have expected to be dismissed as a time waster, but apparently I showed just enough guilt to give Okpuke hope he can still push my buttons.
Hello
I am so disappointed in you.After taking my time to get the registration done and under your names and information you come to tell me you cant get them cos of one reason or the other,do you know the number of people that i have turned down cos of you.Do you have a conscience at all?i trusted you and the worst is that i did all the registration under your names and address and i cant get them back again,please get back to me to let me know whats going on asap
sharon
So here we go again. I sent this:
Hi Sha,

I feel so ashamed... I never ever felt this bad. You can't get them back again? OH MY GOD. I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should pay and get the puppies and tell my wife it's too late. Maybe if she'll hold them in her own hands her evil ice cold Russian heart will melt and if not I can always help up the process with a slap or two. I am so angry with my wife for making me upset you so much, a perfectly nice and kind woman. I wish I was married to you instead. LOL

Maybe my wife and I can get dogs AND cats. Yes, maybe. We'll have a little jungle in the house and we can dress up as Tarzan and Jane for Purim (we're Jewish). Worst case scenario I am sure I will be able to find a home for these puppies here in New York. Or because there are two of them and their perfect size maybe turn them into slippers. LOL, just kidding.

I'll try and go out today to send the money. I am in meetings all day, but have breaks between. I feel better about making up my mind and so sorry for jerking you around. Please tell me you don't hate me.

What is happening with the doggies? They must be so sad, hugging each other and crying in the cold cage at the shipping company. I hope the people there give them food and cuddles and sing them songs. Poor puppies! I feel so guilty.

I'll try my best to go out and send the money today. You have no idea how much your disappointment hurts considering you are such a wonderful and kind person with an awesome nickname (Sha instead of Sharon).

Please forgive me.
And this:
Please tell me you don't hate me... I can't concentrate on anything today, I'm so depressed. I'm about to leave to send the money in the next hour...
That makes me a very sad panda... :-(
Score!
Hello again and sorry for the reactions but i bet you if you were in mu shoes,you will feel the same cos if not for the fact that i realised you so much in love with the babies,i will never even give them to you in the first place.I didnt believe they could spend the next 30 minutes at the shipping company after the registration.just look at what they are going through.please for the sake of my family and for the babies do something as soon as possible so that they can be on their way soon today.My hussy has been calling all day from work to find out if they are already on their way,please i really trust you can do something,help help me here.let me know whats going on asap please
sha
I am still in the game. Yet, since I am not going to send the money or part ways from my new friend, it's time for another plot twist.
Oh NOOOOOOO!

I just had a phone call from my wife. I forgot she had the password to this Google account. She read this entire exchange of message and called to shout at me. I didn't understand more than half of it because she was cursing me in Russian. I understood the words "penis" and "bastard" and then something about killing me and then divorcing my corpse if I dare to send you the money for the dogs.

I changed the password to this e-mail account so she won't be able to log in again.

What do I do?! I am so angry now with that bitch for snooping in my e-mail and telling me what to do. I almost want to get these dogs to piss her off, but that's not the right reason to get puppies, right? You get puppies out of love and rainbows and shit, right? Maybe I can get them, piss her off and then give them up to someone else after making my point? Maybe I should just divorce her before it'll get all War of the Roses.

The last thing I want to do is not get the dogs and let my wife think she won the fucking Russian slut whore bitch. I am so angry my hands are shaking. I feel like the little girl from Meet Me in St. Louise where she goes ape shit crazy just before Judy Garland sings her that sad Christmas song. I am so angry now that if Judy Garland tried comforting me now with stupid songs I'd just punch her in the face.

What shall I do?! I don't know who to talk to about this. You're my only friend who knows about this. I am so ashamed....

Should I? I guess I can't leave you in a lurch like that. You sure you can't retrieve the puppies back from the shipping company? You can't explain to them the situation?

FEEL SO ANGRY AND ASHAMED.

Please let me know asap. Hopefully I'll calm down by the time I get your answer.
Is this the end? Would I finally be dismissed as a complete time waster? No.
omg,i just dropped from talking with them and tbey said if they cant be ship,i will have no opportunity to get them back cos i already had all registration formailities done under your names and if they are kept there for sometime,this will be regarded as pets abuse and abandonement and serious legal measures shall be taken against you after they have been sent to the pets rescue or charges laid against you,i dont want anything to happen to the babies or i will die,please help
Nicely played, Okpuke, nicely played. A subtle combination of threats and guilt.
Oh my fucking God! As if that's the last thing I need! Some Interpol ninjas breaking into my house in the middle of the night to arrest me for animal cruelty when all I wanted was to make my wife happy who now hates me and thinks I'm a douce!!!! I didn't do anything wrong! I was just trying to be nice. :-( I have 423 friends on Facebook and twice as many followers on Twitter for fuck sake! People like me and will tell you I am a nice person.

I calmed down from the talk with my wife, but now I'm super extra more upset.

Maybe you should pay the $200. Because I'll just tell the police I never agreed anything with you and you wrote my name in the registration without my permission. I DIDN'T SIGN ANYTHING. Yes. You should have asked for the money first before registering the puppies, at least half of it. This is as much your fault as my own.

I'm sorry to dump this on you, but bros before hos. I'm a bro and you, well...

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME about the legal risk?! WHY?

Oh, wait. If I send the money right now there won't be any legal consequences? Or is it too late?!? Is it?
I just called "Sharon" a ho. Is this the end? Shortly I got this:
hello.if you get the money sent to them,there wont be any consequences again im sure.the only thing is that the babies be ship to you and the flight confirmed.I asked you to confirm from the shipping company just to make sure everything is okay before i do the registration.please get the payments done to them immediately.Contact them now and get everything done and tell them why they couldnt be ship yesterday.also let them know that you are willing to pay any fees for delay so that we dont have any problems with them,please let me know whats going on asap
sha
Cool. Fees for delay. Okpuke thinks not only can he still get the money, he can get even more! Much as I had fun, it was time to pull the plug on this.
But you see, here is my dilemma: the pros and cons for sending the money:

Pro: I love the puppies!

Con: My wife told me not to.

Pro: I get to show my wife who's the boss (sure as hell it's not Tony Danza)

Con: I love money and I could buy me a Blackberry Playbook for that much cash.

Pro: I won't get arrested by the police and get gang-banged by big muscly prisoners.

Con: I won't get arrested by the police and get gang-banged by big muscly prisoners.

Pro: I will save the puppies from the shipping company where they soon going to start eating each other to survive.

Con: You are an internet scammer doucebag who would put ridiculous amounts of efforts to scam innocent people for their hard earned money instead of using that very same energy to get a real job where you probably could make about the same amount of money if not more.

Pro: I love the puppies!

Con: You ARE a scammer doucebag.
Anyway, this was fun, Okpuke (your name sounds like a baby farting). I was on to you from the beginning. Check out "my address" in google, it's a McDonalds branch in NY. I don't even live in the USA. I only written to you initially because my friend was almost fooled by your scam and I wanted to make sure it was a scam by contacting you separately. When you send us both exactly the same e-mail I confirmed my suspicion and then decided to have fun with you. I had no idea I would manage to drag it on for so long and have so much fun. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This would make a great, if slightly lengthy, blog post.

Don't worry. If any of my friends ever wants to buy fake non-existing puppies I'll refer them to you.

Kindest regards,

Mickey
The end. There was no way Okpuke would get back to me after I exposed him. It was fun while it la-- WAIT WHAT? That's right. "Sharon" wrote back.
if thats what you think then you have smething else coming.I will make sure i report and all your information.i have all the information and i will pass it on to the service fbi to trace you down from your IP address.if i could response from your friend its cos i coudnt wait and count on greedy ones like you who will promise and never return to their words to give the babies a home.If anything happens to the babies then please i promise you wont go courts free
This was an extra delightful bonus I didn't expect. It surely deserved one more last reply from me.
Goodness gracious me! This is the present that keeps on giving. I thought that my last e-mail would be the end with maybe one last angry insult laden e-mail from you, but nooo. You're still "in character".
I can't say you're good, because you're not, but you are persistent. Or maybe you were scamming people as "Sharon Wallace" for so long that you actually settled into this persona, Okopoopie, or whatever your name is.
It's a scam and it's very obvious.
You posted this ad all over the internet. This is from November 3rd:
http://www.hotfreelist.com/-3/posts/1-For-Sale/3-Animals-Pets/147151-Excellent-teacup-yorkie-puppies-available-for-free-adoption.htmlThe puppies were apparently 12 weeks old back then. But you wrote to me on the 24th to tell me they were 13 weeks old. They got only one week older in three weeks? What are you feeding them? I would love some of that to slow down my own ageing.
The e-mails you sent me and my friend on separate dates were identical, not similar. Down to the puppies' current age and the fact that you'll be home for the next two days. You picked me as a trusty new owner for your puppies based on just a short e-mail I sent you? Rrrrrright. And people win American Idol based on talent.
The Belgian post code you provided me doesn't exist.
The shipping company's website is faker than Keanu Reeves' British accent. The only thing missing was "Hosted on Geocities"
The English throughout, from both you and the "company" was dreadful. It doesn't help convince anyone that you're originally from the US. Well, maybe from the South.
You couldn't find a home for the puppies in Belgium and need to ship them around the world? Couldn't come up with a better story? Seriously? Maybe you can change that. Say that you are on a slowly sinking cruise ship with a canon that can shoot the puppies all the way to the new owners, but you first need a money transfer to buy gunpowder.
I shipped animals in the past, so I know the process isn't the idiotic abridged version you concocted. Actually I probably give you too much credit, you probably - very ironically - stole it from another scammer (who stole it from another scammer).
The company doesn't accept credit card payments for $200 and request to wire fund? ABC of internet scamming.
Most of these scams originate from Africa and the payee's name (the company's "accountant") sounds awfully African.
Shall I go on, Sharon? Or can I still call you Sha? Maybe we'll stick to Okopoopie.
Please stop trying to steal money from people.
Much love,
Mickey
I was right about this scam being ripped-off from someone else. Doing an image google search with the puppies I found an identical ad from June by a "Lacy Baxter" where Mircale and Destiny were still only twelve weeks old. Could be that Lacy is Okpuke's former identity. WHO CARES?

I miss Sharon. I wish she was real. I would leave my fake Russian wife for her in a heartbeat.

OK, it wasn't quite over. I really couldn't help myself and I sent out one more e-mail to test just how stupid this person was.
Oh my God! Sha!!! My wife broke into my e-mail again. The last two messages weren't from me!!!!!!!!!

I just now managed to restore my password and read the last e-mails from her to you. How rude! I am so sorry!

What happened to the dogs?! Are they OK?
Minutes later  I got this:
if you contact me again i am going to lay a curse on you that you will live to regret for the rest of your life.Just try it one more time and you will regret doing that..what insulence
I replied.
So, that's a no then? :-(
Not sure how long before Okpoopie will adopt a new identity, so please e-mail Sharon at wallacesharon87@yahoo.com quickly to reserve your own fake non-existing puppy while supplies last.

Mickey

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Snow White and the Seven Gods


Several episodes into Once Upon a Time and Miron is still watching it with me, which is impressive. He’s far less tolerant of crappy TV shows so if he hasn’t dropped it after a few episodes it means it’s really good (for now). You can dedicate an entire graveyard for TV shows I started watching with Miron and ended up following alone: Lost, Ringer, Desperate Housewives, Dexter, Glee. Well, actually I get why he stopped watching Glee and I should seriously stop mentioning that I watch that drek.

Anyhow, one of the main characters in that show is a kid who is convinced that fairy tales are real and that all the residents of his hometown are famous fairy tale characters who simply forgot who they were. The adult characters aren’t quite sure whether his psychotic delusions are cute, creepy or a little bit of both. To be honest, if at the age of ten Blake would be utterly convinced that fairy tales were real and that our next door neighbor is Snow White I would be a bit worried too. 

But here’s the thing, if the little boy was going on about God, Jesus, heaven and hell no one would bat an eyelid. If he stated that he genuinely believes that all the stories from the bible really happened no one will think it’s unusual.  I mean everything: Noah’s Ark, the creation of the world in six days, the ten plagues of Egypt, zombie Jesus’s return from the dead. I am not even scratching the surface here. The bible is full of more crazy stories than X-Files, Supernatural, Buffy and Fringe put together. It puts the F in WTF (not sure what that even means, but it sounds punchy).

I just find it odd that we tell children about God, angels, miracles and biblical adventures that supposedly really happened and then complain that they have an “active imagination” when they run with it and suddenly insist they have an invisible friend, super powers and a monster under the bed.

I have religious friends and I respect their right to hold whatever beliefs they wish to have as long as they don’t harm anybody. But can I be friends with someone who believes in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? Or even worse – a Scientologist?! I don’t know.

This is quite odd considering I genuinely regard God and Mickey Mouse equally real, yet I can be friends with someone who worships one, but not the other. 

Does that make me a bigot?

Mickey

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Exactly 500


Exactly 500 is my new project where I publish a new 500 words story every day. It's a great way for me to practice writing fiction and even if I get only one good story a month, it's been worth it. Hopefully my success ratio will be better than that!

It's a weird experiment I made up for myself and I hope I'll manage to entertain people on the way. Head over there to read the story and read more about the project.

Please check it out and let me know what you think.

Mickey

I am Smarter than Doctor House


In a recent episode of House (from last week, I'm a bit behind) one of the doctors on his team, Dr. Taub, had two babies recently by getting two different women pregnant at the same time. Doctor House starts a betting pool about whether the kids are actually Taub's or not.

House gets the DNA samples from the babies, but Taub refuses to provide him with his sample, saying that he doesn't care if the babies are biologically his and that he doesn't want to know. Hilarity ensues as House tries to obtain a DNA sample from Taub in a variety of amusing ways. The story concludes with Taub going for the test, but shredding the DNA results in front of a genuinely surprised House.

I would usually forgive small illogical plotlines, if I didn't I would probably have no TV shows left to watch, but this one was glaringly idiotic. Especially in a pseudo-intellectual TV show where actors constantly spout medical terms they spent all night memorizing how to pronounce. It's a show that doesn't let an one episode go by without reminding us just how smart their main character is. He's an asshole and a jerk, but boy is he a genius!

So how come I am smarter than Doctor Gregory House? Me, who's entire medical training comes from watching American TV shows? Well, I'm smarter than the writers of House, anyway.

Here's what House should have done to find out if the babies were Taub's:

He already had DNA samples from the two babies, right? All he needed to do was to compare the results of the two babies. They are half-sibling sharing a father. The mothers are not related to each other. If the brothers are related biologically according to the results then they must be Taub's. The chances that both women were dating another man and got pregnant by him at that exactly the same time they were with Taub is near to impossible.

If the babies are not related biologically it means that at least one of them isn't Taub's biological child, possible neither. With this result at hand I'm sure Taub would be forced to do a proper test with both babies.

Why didn't House think of that? Did I get the science wrong?

Or maybe for the sake of a plot-device all logic can and should be thrown out of the window?

Am I overthinking this?

Am I overthinking my overthinking?

Mickey

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

My TV Poison This Year - Part 2


Once Upon a Time - It was one of the many new shows I was interested in, but didn't have the time to try out and it was actually Miron who saw the second episode and liked it, so we started watching it together from the beginning. Only four episodes in it's hard to judge the show yet. The concept is utterly ridiculous (yet it's still far more realistic than House, Jennifer Morrison's previous show), but very very watch-able. Something about this show just works. The plotlines seem to progress very slowly, relying mostly on flashbacks for action, which is used, I suppose, to establish the characters and their conflicts. It may turn out to be great or crash and burn, but for now it's fun and intriguing and I can't wait for the next episode.

Fun Fact: I actually can wait for the next episode and indeed that's exactly what I'm doing. Don't you just hate it when people say "I can't wait" in excitement when what they are doing is in fact waiting?


Desperate Housewives - Guilty pleasure all the way. My favorite subplot is the one where a new neighbor with a dark secret moved to the street. Miron dropped somewhere around series three or four and I almost jumped off as well. The thing is, this show could never jump the shark because it already started off over the shark (that doesn't even make sense). I blame this show for introducing "goofy music" to let the audience know when there's comic relief to contrast the more dramatic scenes. Many shows (Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy to name a couple) copied that annoying trick, but fortunately the trend is dying off. The great cast is what makes this show worth sticking with. I especially like Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross. With Housewives in its last series it's interesting to see what future projects wait for these two talented ladies.

Fun Fact: Danny Elfman created the theme for the opening credits. He also composed the themes for The Simpsons, Beetlejuice, Batman, Spider-Man and loads of other shows and movies. My friend Kenric hates him with dedication and fervor that is both impressive and disturbing.


Homeland - Yet another show based on an Israeli TV Show. An American prisoner of war returns home a hero, but Claire Danes is certain he has been brainwashed and turned into a Muslim terrorist. Not the kind Muslim that says "Marhaba" and cooks delicious Humus and lamb, but the kind that wants to blow up stuff. Oooh, scary. Very slow paced. I mean, REALLY slow paced. - but in a good way. Claire Danes is utterly amazing in the lead role and Mandy Patinkin is always great. I wasn't happy to see V cancelled last year, but at least now the talented and gorgeos-enough-to-make-consider-going-straight Morena Baccarin is free to do quality projects like this one.

Fun Fact: I'll never really go straight, not even for Morena.


Modern Family - Still the funniest thing on TV, but in its third year it's no longer the new shiny toy in the toybox. It's a solid proof that a half hour comedy doesn't need a laugh track to be side-splitting hilarious. It's nice to have a gay parented family there as well, though Miron and I find ourselves almost never identifying with either gay father. Either the gay clich├ęs shown on prime-time TV aren't very representative of real gay people, or maybe Miron and I are just not very good at being gay. Either way, funny show.

Fun Fact: Of the two gay characters, only one of the actors who portray them is gay in real life. Is it Cameron or Mitch? It's actually not that obvious and if I had to guess I probably would have gotten it wrong. Google away, I'm not telling! The fun fact here is that we always wonder if an actor who portrays a gay character is gay in real life. Why do we care? It's not as if we wonder if Anthony Hopkins enjoys eating human brains in real life.


How I Met Your Mother - Like I said, I don't like the sitcom format and despite it's convoluted premise this is an unashamed Friends clone. It's basically Neil Patrick Harris in the role of Barney who carries the entire show on his shoulders. The rest of the cast is decent and the end result is funny and entertaining. It seems that in most sitcoms there's at least one supporting character who overshadows the lead. What's up with that? For the record, I don't give a f*** who the "mother" is. That must be one of the dumbest long-running mysteries to ever grace the small screen. Less mother-mystery, more Barney sexually harassing womenda please.

Fun Fact: Neil Patrick Harris actually came out of the closet after he already landed the role of Barney the womaniser which only goes to prove that a gay actor can portray straight characters convincingly. Just like Robert Englund managed to do a decent job in the Night on Elm Street movies without slaughtering dreaming teenagers in real life. It's called "acting". Though I wonder if NPH would have gotten the part if the casting director knew he was gay...


 Glee - Yes, it's on the list. Don't judge me. OK, judge me, but I'll judge you for judging me. Glee is obnoxious and stupid, but at the same time cute and sweet. For every moment of interesting drama, good song or funny joke there are two that are cringe-worthy, but I find myself unable to stop watching. Jane Lynch was great as Sue Silvester, but that joke has ran its course, as did the rest of the show. I guess I find it interesting to see this show falling apart at the seams with the creators constantly trying to fix it. Also, I like the depiction of an openly gay teen couple. I wish I had something like that on TV when I was a gay teen. Anyway, this is the absolute definition of guilty pleasure. Usually people refer to something as "guilty pleasure' without actually feeling guilty, but here there is actual painful guilt. This is the Rebecca Black of the TV world - so bad that you just can't stop watch it. There, you go. I managed to justify watching this kak. Sort of.

Fun Fact: Ha ha. I'm not really watching Glee. It's garbage. And I certainly won't admit it on my blog. If I did watch it I'll deny it vehemently.


Harry's Law - This was a big surprise as we were totally unaware of it last year. Miron caught a couple of episode and said how awesome it was so we started watching it from the beginning. While it's a bit preachy in its messages about the legal system and society in general, Kathy Bates is an amazing actress and she gets some great material here - especially the closing arguments in her cases. The change in setting and concept in the second series was a bit harsh, but it got rid of two annoying supporting characters who had nothing to do other than engage in an annoying and obnoxious romantic subplot.

Fun Fact: Kathy Bates will forever by the psycho bitch from Misery. If you haven't seen it yet, go kill yourself out of shame and then watch it.


American Horror Story - Created by Glee creator Ryan Murphy which is great. Who knows more about American Horror than the creator of Glee? Jokes aside, you could never tell this show is from the same mind. Each season, assuming it'll survive long enough for a second season which now looks likely, features a different story with different characters. I was at first sceptic about using a haunted house plot for the first series, but my fears have been put to rest. The result is very dark and exciting and after five episodes I look forward to see what crazy things are yet to happen. Dreamy Dylan McDermott seems to show his ass or masturbate every other episode which is also a plus.

Fun Fact:  I get to see the fantastic Frances Conroy on a weekly basis for the first time since Six Feet Under which is probably the best TV series ever made with the absolutely best final episode ever made - jaw dropping stuff. It also has Michael C. Hall from Dexter and Rachel Griffiths from Brothers and Sisters in lead roles. Buy the DVD boxset, borrow it from a friend, download it illegally, rob your local HMV... Do whatever you need to see it.


True Blood - Between seasons at the moment, but since it's an ongoing show I'm watching it's worth mentioning. Lots of violence and nudity with lots of male butts. That's enough for me. The crazy and imaginative plotlines are just a bonus. Series three got a bit over the top, introducing more subplots and concepts than the 12 episodes a year show could handle: vampires, witches, shape shifters, mind reading fairies, werewolves, were panthers... Fortunately series four avoided the temptation of introducing more crazy concepts and instead started sorting out through the existing mess with Fiona Shaw as the fantastic villainess Marnie the socially awkward witch.

Fun Fact: This is the last fun fact. How fun!

Honorable mention: the CSI franchise. I've been watching it for years and started with the shows this year as well, but I'm really getting tired of the concept and I'm a few weeks behind already without missing any of the shows. Maybe I'll catch up over Christmas when the other shows go on a break. Balh.

This is it!

Mickey

My TV Poison This Year - Part 1

I watch quite a few TV shows, though probably not as many as some people. There are a whole bunch of TV shows, current and old that I still want to catch up with and never got the chance. Only recently I managed to finally see every episode of The Shield which was amazing.

So I decided to briefly write my thoughts on the current ongoing shows I'm watching. Let me know what you think and if I'm missing out on anything unmissable. (I know Sons of Anarchy and Breaking Bad are great, but I need to find the time to start watching them from the beginning).

The upcoming harsh Winnipeg winter, my first, will make staying home and watching TV an even more frequent activity than usual and these are the shows that will keep me company (assuming they don't get cancelled mid-season).


Fringe - Probably my favourite show right now. It's basically the X-Files with a focus on man-made crazy science. What makes this show great is the fantastic cast (especially John Noble) and the teasingly glacial pace of the intriguing sub-plots.

Fun Fact: The symbols shown before commercial breaks are code, each representing a letter - so in every episode a different word is spelled out. If you write down the letters to decipher the secret words you find out that you are a big fat nerd.


Vampire Diaries - What started out looking like Twilight the TV series turned out to be quite fun, fast, bloody and action  packed. I only checked it out because it was written by Kevin "Scream" Williamson and I'm happy I did. It took a while to gather steam with a bit too much teen angst and romance in the first series, but it was worth sticking with it. Guilty pleasure, but still pleasure.

Fun Fact: In the world of VD killing innocent people is frowned upon, but completely forgiven if you're somewhat repentant (and hot). Falling off the wagon and killing innocents again is followed up with more frowning upon and repenting.


The Secret Circle - Vampire Diaries' sister show which is also based on a series of books by the same author Whatshername Somethingsomething. It's just about watchable, but something there isn't quite right. Not even with Natasha "Species" Henstridge and Gale "Queer as Folks" Harold. Gale Harold used to be made out of sex not that long ago, but after a brief stint in Desperate Housewives he seems to have been castrated. This is a guilty pleasure that's very light on pleasure... For now. Hopefully the show will get better like Vampire Diaries did. Or cancelled. Whichever.

Fun Fact: Tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable. Reading this "fun" fact is more fun than watching an episode of the Secret Circle.


Dexter - A serial killer who only kills bad people, but still does it mostly for fun while maintaining a normal life and keeping his "hobby" a secret. What's not to love about this? I almost gave up on the show after series 4 (SPOILER ALRET STOP READING IF YOU EVER PLAN WATCHING IT). Killing off Rita, Dexter's wife and the mother of his son, was sad, but my problem was with how they messed up Dexter's character and relied on cheap shocks, basically murdering someone's loved one every other episode. Series 5 and 6 went back on track. Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter are just too much fun to watch in their roles as Dexter and Deb, so I'm glad it's good again. There's nothing else like this show and Michael C. Hall portrayal of Dexter Morgan is fascinating. Tom Hanks Jr is a great special great star this year and I can't wait for Dexter to kill him off soon.

Fun Fact: I named my dog after Dexter Morgan. Big mistake.


Ringer - I love Buffy, but the show hasn't aged very well and neither did Sarah Michelle Geller. She's only a year older than me, but this is not the cute 19 year old millions of nerds fell in love with fifteen years ago. I guess the fact that she looks half as good is why they have her in the show twice. She plays twins, but neither one has the ninja skills Buffy had which makes any of the action sequences quite dull - of which there are very few. Miron watched the first three episodes with me and gave up. I find it watchable and plan to stick with it for a while, but I can't honestly see where they are going to take this show past the original story line / first series. It's the same problem shows like 24 and Prison Break overcame by simply adopting idiotic and unconvincing follow up plotlines with plenty of misguided zeal.

Fun fact: The actress who plays Buffy's stepdaughter in the show, Zoey Deutch, is the real life daughter of the actress who plays Michael J. Fox's girlfriend in Back to the Future, Lea Thompson, and she is ten times hotter than her mom ever was (or Buffy).

2nd Fun Fact: Another Buffy actress, Charisma Carpenter, is also playing twins in an upcoming movie thriller. Remember when twins were mostly used in crappy sitcoms? Well, except for Lisa Kudrow's Phoebe and Ursula.

3rd Fun Fact: Buffy actor Nicholas Brandon has an identical twin in real life. I hear they both work at the same branch of Target nowadays.


Supernatural - Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are very charismatic and have great chemistry between them, which makes the show. I actually don't fancy either one of them, believe it or not.  Not sure why I'm mentioning that fact, it's not like you care - and now that I  mentioned it you must think that I do actually fancy them and trying to deny it. Whatevs! I don't care what you think. Some episodes are better than others, but I like premise. It's the closest show to Buffy in terms of theme and style with the heroes basically walking into a horror movie every week and kick the villain's ass. It's still consistently good in its seven season which is quite an impressive achievement.

Fun Fact: Supernatural spelled backwards is Larutanrepus. Yeah, sorry. I have nothing on this one.


Big Bang Theory - I hate the sitcom format. I find the the sets cheap and the laugh track patronizing (This is funny! Laugh now!). Modern Family and many other shows proved times and times again that getting rid of the audience doesn't make the show less funny and opens up what can be done with the show. With several additions to the cast it's basically a nerdy version of "Friends" - just not remotely as good. Big Bang is not as funny as it thinks it is, but it is funny and adorable. The show will be even better if they killed off Johnny Galecki's character. I loved him in Roseanne all these many years ago, but here he is just unattractive and obnoxious and-not-in-a-good-way.

Fun Fact: Raj from Big Bang and Fez from That 70's Show are not the same character nor they are played by the same actor - much as it seems to be the case.

An old mini-comic gag I did years ago
House - House used to be amazing (I dedicated an entire post to my disappointment with the last series), but the show became a victim to its own formula. I'm sure there are medical mysteries in real life, but Dr. Gregory House seems to work in a hospital where there are at least 22 mystery cases a year in which the diagnosis changes every two minutes until House finally figures out what's really wrong with the patient. Another problem is the yoyo that is House's character development. On the one hand we want to see him grow and change and on the other hand we don't want him to lose what makes him a unique character. The result is a repetitive cycle of House falling down and getting up again and again. How dull. If the show starred anyone but Hugh Laurie it would've been cancelled a long time ago. As it is, he still makes it worth watching.

Fun Fact: Despite his perfect American accent, Hugh Laurie is actually British. Oh, you knew that already? Oh, everyone knows it already? OK, never mind, whatever.

This is it for part 1 with the first half of the list of shows I watch. Can you guess what's on the other half? What are you watching?

Mickey

Saturday, November 05, 2011

The Tears of Children are Delicious

Jimmy Kimmel issued a challenge to viewers: to videotape your children's reaction when telling them that you ate all their Halloween candy. Many parents did.


Am I the only one who doesn't find it funny? Sure, it's not tragic, but is it really funny? Making your children cry on purpose and then carry on even when you see how upset they are? Really? Really?

It looks silly to us, but children don't own anything other than their toys, clothes and candy - something that is just theirs. So obviously they'll be upset after finding out that the candy they worked hard to collect after looking forward to Halloween all year is suddenly gone. It's the same as a teenager telling his parents as a joke that he totalled the family car on a night out. For a child a bag of Halloween candy is as important as a car. Was this some kind of experiment? Did the parents really expect the kids to be anything other than upset and sad?

Jimmy Kimmel is a dickhead, but the parents who participated are even bigger dickheads. Make your kid cry in order to get some giggles out of strangers. Fantastic. Teach your children that it's OK to tell upsetting lies and make people cry for a cheap laugh.

Blake is three and a half and he cries. It comes with the territory. Sometimes I try comforting him and sometimes I let him cry depending on the situation. I never deliberately try to make him cry for my own entertainment.

Next week the challenge should be videotaping your children's reaction when you tell them the family dog died! That would be hilarious! Maybe tell them grandma went to heaven! The possibilities are endless.

I just don't get it, but I guess I'm a stick in the mud.

--Mickey

Thursday, November 03, 2011

The Adventures of Supergirl's Vagina

I used to read superhero comics quite avidly and I stopped in 2004 for various reasons (superhero comics are overpriced, take too much space and are mind numbingly stupid for the most part). Two months ago, after playing second fiddle to Marvel Comics for too long, DC Comics relaunched their entire line of comics, rewriting the characters' history to get rid of unwanted baggage and make the books more friendly to new readers in conjunction with offering the new books in digital form.

It got my attention and I decided to check them out. I actually found myself enjoying it. I enjoyed the new Superman and Batman books and even Green Lantern which I never really clicked with. I don't know how kid friendly some of the books are when their level of violence won't embarrass a Saw movie, but I like it so who cares about the kids - they can read Archie Comics or watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The problems started when I got to Supergirl. It's not the story I had a problem with, I actually quite liked it. It was Supergirl's impractically slutty costume that ruined the experience for me.



As you can see while Superman is dressed head to toe, for some inexplicable reason Supergirl's costume is very revealing. We're not even talking about hotpants or a really short skirt - she has an odd red shield that looks super-glued to her vagina, while revealing part of her groin. You can't help looking at it every time it's on display. I'm gay and I can't stop looking.

I look at this:


And I see this:


Actually What I see is this:


Dear God, get it out of my face! I can almost smell it!


Anyway, what was I talking about? I forgot. Take care and see you next week.

Oh, yes! I remember. Supergirl's cooch. Is that word too rude? I like saying it. Cooch. Cooch. Cooch. 

Anyway! I found it to be very annoying and distracting. Why would a super hero choose to dress up like that when they are going to be fighting bad guys and avert natural disasters? In what way is it practical? To make it worse the costume is a family outfit and Supergirl is just a teenager. What kind of perverts the Kryptonians were to dress up their young girls like porn stars? I say good riddance to them and their doomed planet Krypton. Filthy aliens.

I did a quick google search to see if I was the only one annoyed by this and I found this fantastic blog post by Michelle from the blog Maid of Might. Money quote:
If they truly wanted to design a new Supergirl costume for a modern world, in a fictional universe in which Superman wears a full-body armored costume, they would have given her pants. I love the shorts and the skirt (when worn with bike shorts underneath), but DC left themselves no other choice but pants when they gave Superman and Supergirl plated armor all over their elbows and chests and decided to make Superman susceptible to physical injury (according to Grant Morrison, “His nose can be bloodied, he can have his ribs broken, and although they may heal very quickly, it takes a little bit of effort to do the feats that he does.”). There was also some nonsense about the armored costume honouring his Kryptonion heritage which I don’t entirely get, but in any case, they’ve created a very definite rationalization for why Superman’s costume looks the way it does. But when it came to Supergirl, that rationalization suddenly went out the window and “female! must! show! skin!” took over their brains. There’s a clear double standard being applied when the costume is on a female body. It begs the question: why would DC choose to expose some of the most vulnerable parts of Supergirl’s body, if not for the usual misogynistic reasons of making a woman appear more vulnerable, more weak, and less worthy of respect than her male counterpart?
I never actually thought about how the fact that female superheroes show more skin makes them look more vulnerable. It actually makes a lot of sense.

Artist Joe Philips has created a bunch of hilarious and somewhat sexy versions of iconic male super heroes, giving them the same treatment female super heroes got. Check it out. My two favourites:



I would actually read comics more often if this was the case... But that's me. And they're not.

As it is now female characters are over-sexualized with revealing clothes, massive boobs and excessive curves while the male heroes are overly mascular with flat butts and flatter crotches in the style of Ken dolls. As if the artist is worried that giving the hero a bit of a bulge or a curvy ass will make them "gay" - the kind of insecurity you would expect from a teenager.

Which might be the case here. It's true that you need to connect with your inner child to enjoy super hero comics and even though most of the writers and artists in the comics industry are grown ups who are often married and with kids, they still create material that appeals to their inner horny fourteen year old. Most, not all - but still too many.

In the following picture Wonder Woman shows more skin than all five male characters put together. With the exception of Superman the guys even cover their hands!


Based on this cover there is a depressingly hilarious illustration by artist Kelly Turnbull answering the question "what if male superheroes dressed and posed like Wonder Woman.


I rest my case. Well, Kelly Turnbull's case. She rests it. You know what I mean.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. It's a shame that DC Comics didn't use this opportunity to start afresh to really start afresh. As it is, they might have seriously altered the history of the characters, but this lineup of superhero comics is catering to exactly the same (literally) old fan-base and people who stayed away from superhero comics have no reason to change their mind any time soon.

Mickey