Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Jew Gotta Be Kidding Me!

Religious nuts are not a new thing. There are many people who are obsessed with their religion and their own take on morality and do whatever they can to impose that view on anyone else around them. Any objection to that will bring upon outcries of intolerance and bigotry towards the religious people and their "way of life". The fact that their "way of life" is based on bigotry and intolerance is irrelevant to them.

The story of the little girl from Beit Shemesh in Israel who's been bullied by adult Ultra Orthodox Jews for apparently dressing up immorally has made headlines all over the world. Google Beit Shemesh if you want to learn more about it, I really don't want to get into details. This specific story does not really matter. There are many stories like that all over the world across all religions. It's not a Jewish thing, or a Muslim thing or a Christian thing.

It's a religion thing.

It's the unavoidable self righteousness that comes with following a religion and patting your self on the back for doing it right, which leads to looking outside and seeing the people who haven't "seen the light" yet and making sure they do. Because if God exists and you're following the "right" religion "correctly" it is surely your duty to bring more people into the fold or die (or kill) trying.

I am not putting all the world's problems on religion or even nationalism. If I clicked my fingers and made religion and nationalism cease to exist I don't think all the world's problems will be solved, but I wonder just how many things will cease to be an issue any more.

These people are not giving Jews or Israelis a bad name, they give all of us, humans, a bad name.

I don't have any answer and solutions, so instead I do what I do best. Point a finger and laugh at the stupidity of stupid people.

One must wonder why anyone would think a seven year old can dress sexy. After all, if you're right in the head, there is absolutely nothing sexy about a seven year old child, no matter how much skin they show. Which raises more questions about the Ultra Orthodox community than anything else. Looking at Ultra Orthodox publications there are many troubling examples of censorships that indicate a deep rooted problem with these people's perception of sexuality.

A wedding photo with the bride and her mother pixelated out (I assume) to prevent men from masturbating to it.

The original picture on the left portrayed the baby sticking his bottom in the air seductively and showing too much skin. It was amended by making him sit down on the floor and covering his feet with longer socks. For what it's worth I think the amended picture is still too sexy. Maybe throw a blanket on him with holes for the eyes?

A picture of a doll has been blurred to combat any impulses of impure thoughts.

The original is on the right, in case you have a problem figuring it out. Apparently the eyes are too "playful" on the picture on the right. To be  fair, I can see that. The man is obviously looking to get laid with his "come to bed" eyes and trying to put snacks in your mouth - typical "stranger with candy" scenario.

Try figuring out which picture is the amended one and why. I will give you a hint: the right to bare arms does not apply to red phone-houses.

Ha ha ha. That was funny. We all had a good laugh. Now lets remember that real people made these changes in the name of morality - and cry.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Make Your Own Zombie Movie

I used to love zombie movies, but the ironic cannibalism of the genre with so many zombie movies shamelessly feasting on each other's remains made me sick of it. One thing is clear, though: zombie movies is where the quick cash is.

Make your own zombie movie and make sure to include at least 75% of the following points:

* A group of very diverse characters, almost random.

* People coming to the emergency room with a "weird illness".

* Worrying news reports and instructions that suddenly stop.

* Zombies digging their way out of coffins and packed dirt.

* Don't bother explaining why the zombie infection is happening.

* A natural leader type character everyone looks up to for answers.

* A jackass character who wants to be the leader. Gets the group in danger, but dies horribly.

* It's impossible/very hard to kill a loved one who turned into a zombie.

* A zombie child, because it's extra sad.

* A bunch of armed soldiers who think they are now in charge because they have guns.

* Crowds of zombies walking in the street.

* Crowds of zombies banging on doors.

* Humans shuffling like zombies to fool the real zombies.

* Someone gets eaten and torn in half by a group of zombies.

* Someone with a science background theorizes about the zombies - then gets eaten and torn in half.

* The zombies are unstoppable until someone figures out they die if you destroy their brain.

* An infected survivor keeps his bite a secret from the rest of the group.

* The group barricades themselves in a sanctuary, but eventually it's overrun by zombies and they have to make a run for it.

* Zombies kept as pets or for experiments, usually ending badly.

* The military shoots or nukes human survivors to maintain quarantine. The horror!

* An idiot who stands too near a window and gets grabbed.

* Suddenly anyone knows how to use a gun and get perfect headshots.

* An evil group of humans who decide to take advantage of the new lawlessness.

* Raiding shops for food and weapons where plenty of zombies lurk.

* People who don't understand what is going on and think maybe the zombies are just "sick".

* The self-sacrifice by some brave fool.

* The zombie scenario as a very heavy handed metaphor of the human condition.

* The ninja zombie who sneaks up on someone from out of nowhere.

* Costumed zombies: cheerleaders, waitresses, tuxedo suit, clowns, football players, etc. 

* A human does something terrible! Humans are the real monsters! GASP!

* Characters use downtime to remember what life used to be like.

* Characters use downtime to share sad stories about loved ones who died before we met them.

* Characters use downtime to ponder what life is going to be like from now on.

* Characters use downtime to wonder how far the infection has spread worldwide.

* A group of humans start their own mini-society which is always on the brink of falling apart.

* Oh no! Surrounded by zombies and no where to go!

* There is a safe place the group of survivors want to get to. Or is there?

* Goofy zombies used for comic relief. The kind of retards it is OK to make fun of.

* Hilarious post-modern self-aware meta comments by a witty character who knows all of the above zombie clich├ęs and comments about them.

Take all of the above plot points, mix them well, let it sit for a couple of hours and then eat it because I will have nothing to do with it!

God, I hate zombies.


Friday, December 09, 2011

One Million Morons

I mentioned in my previous post my delight at the fact that many homophobic organizations decide to stick the word “family” in their title. Most notably Family Research Center and American Family Association. In those cases the word “family” is usually code for “we hate fags”.

The other day, thanks to Reddit, I stumbled onto 1 Million Moms. Seemingly yet another website for mothers to hang around at and bitch about post-pregnancy weight and ungrateful husbands. Instead I was directed to a story about a Macy’s employee being justifiably fired after discriminating against a transgendered customer followed by a call to action to harass Macy’s upper management. I am not even going to get into the details of this stupid story. I am glad this woman got fired and good for Macy’s for protecting human rights. Next time I’m in New York I’ll stop by to buy some overpriced crap in support.

OMM’s website is basically the Supergirl/She-Hulk/Spider-Woman version of the AFA website: the same hateful religious propaganda, only with a vagina.

Who cares, they can overdose on their own bile for all I care. I can’t let it get to me, so I let it go.
But one thing did get my attention: the pictures used on the website.

At the top right of the screen are three small pictures showing three different sets of mothers and their offsprings. They all look so beautiful and lovely. They look like good and loving people with warmth in their eyes and genuine smiles. How can they support the hateful and intolerant goals of OMM by posing for them?

They don’t.

Thanks to Google Image search you can now drag pictures right into the Google search bar and find similar pictures. Doing that revealed that all three are stock photos of utterly random models. For all you know they might be great supporters of LGBT rights or even gay themselves!

This is not the first time something like this is happening (most notably Herman Cain's "Women for Cain" website featuring stock photo supporters). More and more morons use stock photos in their website to create the illusion that beautiful people support their cause. If school taught me anything it is that beautiful people know their stuff and are the ones to follow.

It just makes me wonder if these women even know they are featured as “supporters” of OMM and what would their reaction be if they found out.

Mine would be somewhere along the lines of uttering a few expletives and throwing up a little inside my mouth. Then maybe some cathartic crying, but without overdoing it.

I guess the real AFA supporters are wretched and bitter balls of misery and they would not be able to muster genuine warm smiles even if you told them all the gay people in the world were shot into space from a giant cannon.

When you are so busy hating others so intensely, such pure and joyful smiles are simply impossible.

It makes me almost feel sorry for those AFA and OMM creeps. 

Almost. They are still douchebags.


Monday, December 05, 2011

The Case Against Gay Marriage

Do you support gay marriage? Do you consider yourself pro-gay?

If so, you are part of the problem. 

Wait, wait. Don't go, you haven't arrived by mistake at the American Family Association or Family Research Center websites. Though one must wonder why the biggest and most hateful bigots always like to substitute the word "hatred" with "family". Whatever, perhaps that's a different blog post for another time. Anyway, let me clarify what I mean by saying you are part of the problem before you get genuinely offended. Roll with me, I am going somewhere with this.

I think the term gay marriage is inadvertently offensive. Homosexuality is not a religion (though if it was, it would be a fabulous one). There is no such thing as gay marriage just like there's no such thing as black marriage.

It's like referring to the right of gay people to vote as "gay votes". It's just "votes".

There's just marriage. The question is, who gets the right to get married and who doesn't.

I didn't get gay-married, I simply got "married". We invited people to our wedding, not our gay wedding.

It may sound very obvious when I put it like that, but it took me a while to get there myself. There is really nothing that exciting and worth shouting about regarding the fact that I am gay. It is not some secret spice that makes everything in my life more interesting: my marriage, my fatherhood, my hobbies. Being gay affects only one aspect of my life: my terrible taste in TV shows.

I used to describe myself as a gay parent on this blog and anywhere else I could, but I stopped. I am not a gay parent. Being a gay parent doesn't mean that I go about things in a different way. If I look back critically on my work as a parent since Blake was born I can highlight many positives and many negatives. None of them have anything to do with the fact that I am gay.

It may seem as if I'm nitpicking with semantics here, but I think it's a big part of perception. The question shouldn't be "do you support gay marriage" or "gay adoption" or "gay parents". It should be much simpler and encompassing: "Do you believe gay people should have equal rights?".

Heck, I'll take it even one step further. "Do you believe everyone should have equal rights?". It's not a gay rights thing, it's a human rights thing.

Most people who object to giving gay people equal rights argue that being gay is a preference, a perverted life style choice. So while it's wrong to discriminate against someone because of their religion or race, the same does not apply to sexual orientation.

I would argue that out of the three factors: race, religion and sexual orientation - religion is actually the only one that is a choice, a set of beliefs a person chooses to stick with. A person can decide to convert to another religion. I can't just decide to start being attracted to Rihanna no matter how much she sluts it out on music award shows.

So you should not support gay marriage or consider yourself pro gay. You should support marriage equality and human rights.

And while some people will proudly declare themselves as anti-gay they should really be described as anti-human rights. 

And douchebags.



Someone posted this on a forum I go to after I made a similar point to the one I made in this post.

I never heard of Liz Feldman, but I am already a fan.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Other Side of the Hug

Both my parents were working when I was a kid and my dad always used to come home later. I remember very clearly the excitement when I heard his keys in the door at around eight in the evening. My brother, our dog Bobby and I would all rush to the door to welcome him. We'd give him a big hug and then rob him of the chocolate bar he brought us.
My father and me at my wedding in 2008
My father and I were not very close. He had much more in common with my big brother as they both loved basketball and hanged out more together. Yet I still remember to his day how excited I was every night when he came home and how much I enjoyed hugging him. There is something very nurturing and primal about parents hugging their offsprings. With one quick hug a father tells his child: "I love you, I am here for you, I will take care of you" - without having to say it or explain what it actually means.

And now I find myself on the other side of that hug and it is utterly amazing.

After being mostly a stay at home parent with some freelancing and part time work, I have now been working full time for over two months. I was afraid that it would change my relationship with Blake and hurt the great bond we had, but I was very happy to discover that I was wrong.

For one thing, I get home a little after five, so I still get to spend a lot of time with him every day. I give him dinner, wash him and put him to bed. I teach him to read, I tell him stories and play games with him - electronic and otherwise. We go to the swimming pool every Sunday. So he repays me by remaining my shadow whether I like it or not. 80% of the time I like it. The other 20% of the time I just suck it up like a man. I got used to watching television or play videogames with Blake playing loudly the annoying Angry Birds music right next to my face with his two iPods.

Going back to work was great because I like what I'm doing and the people I work with, but I also appreciate being home more. When I walk in the dogs are first to welcome me because they are faster, but Blake is never far behind. He melts my heart with a smile and I pick him up for a big long cuddle. He would then steal my hat and try it on.

Blake and Papa

Those hugs. I cannot put a price on them. I know they will not last forever and I cherish each and every one of them. At that moment, during a hug, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

And I wish Blake that one day he would get to find himself on the other side of that hug too.